Target’s Home Style Expert Emily Henderson Talks Marriage, Fun & FamilyTarget’s Home Style Expert Emily Henderson Talks Marriage, Fun & Family

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We asked interior designer Emily Henderson to share what matters most to her in life, and she welcomed us into her home.

You’ve now been married for 8 years. What have you learned about maintaining a strong relationship? Do you have any advice for newlyweds?

EH: There are the usuals: honesty, communications, respect, forgiveness, etc. They are super important, and if you don’t have them, you will fail. I think that really liking each other and being able to have fun together is crucial. And whenever we are in a rut, its amazing how simply making a conscious effort to be really nice and sweet to each other actually works.

When I asked Brian this question, he answered, “Don’t be dramatic, don’t hold grudges, and communicate all the time.” Very true. We have both made mistakes, certainly, but not holding grudges is super important. Sometimes I think that’s why our marriage works — it’s simply because we found the right person, and the chemistry is there for success. It’s like why one succeeds at their job … sure, it might be their boss, the work environment, the perks, but it also might be that it’s just the right career for you, and its exactly what you are meant to be doing.

I also mentally try to imagine meeting Brian right now if I was single, and I know that I would fall so hard for him so fast, just like I did 15 years ago. I’ve gotten so used to his amazing qualities, but when I actually think about them objectively, I become pretty grateful how lucky I am. So, I guess, constantly appreciating (and communicating that appreciation) is really important to staying happy.

How did life change once you had your son Charlie? Anything change with the dynamic between you and Brian? What have you learned about each other once you became parents?

EH: The six months after I had Charlie, Brian could do no wrong. He was instantly father of the year and still is, but those months in particular (probably hormonal), I became kinda obsessed with him. I just felt an overwhelming amount of much love for him, Charlie, our family, etc. I still do, but don’t get me wrong, it’s more normal now.

Here’s my biggest piece of advice for new moms or mothers-to-be: Don’t try to learn how to parent on your own and then tell your husband how to do it. Instead, explore everything together, so he doesn’t feel intimidated by your knowledge. If you read a ton of books and go into the infancy with this “I already know how to parent” feeling, then he is going to back away and let you kinda handle it. But as you have questions, try to figure the answers out together.

We are insanely lucky to live in this generation where it’s really cool (and expected) to be a 50/50 parent. So don’t try to control how you raise your kid, and let your partners feel like they are as good at parenting as you are. Generally, Brian and I are on the same boat: We believe in the love-them-a lot-and-don’t-be-an-idiot parenting philosophy. Brian errs on the side of overprotective, and I err on the side of “he’s fine,” and sometimes we argue about it, but then I have to remind myself that at least he cares enough to be worried about him. There’s that push and pull where I just have to accept that he wants to get him home in time for a proper nap, when often I’m like “maybe a car nap will do?” But I will say that our marriage is even stronger now that we have a child. Things just feel really good, stable and happy. Not all the time, but definitely lately, and I’m intensely grateful for that.

How do you support each other’s careers?

EH: It’s tricky and hard to navigate at times, but we both just know how important being happy in our careers affects our overall happiness (which affects each other’s happiness). I’ve had a busy year (being Target’s home spokesperson and keeping up with the blog) and Brian wasn’t particularly happy doing what he was doing, so we decided that he should put all his efforts into finding career happiness. I guess we just take turns supporting each other.

Meanwhile, now that we have a kid, whoever isn’t busy spends a bit more time with Charlie. Brian just started a web-video production company, and he’s doing videos for me and some of my blogger friends. He’s strangely good at it for just starting out (he’s been doing comedy videos for years but not unscripted lifestyle videos). Anyway, yes, this is my plug for him, but it’s just awesome that we can work together with both of us having different strengths and not stepping on each others toes — yet anyway. As far as him supporting my career, he’s been pretty awesome about knowing how stressed I can get and really taking care of the house and Charlie when I’m overwhelmed. I can get extremely caught up in my job when I’m slammed, so I have to constantly remember to give him attention and check in with him about how things are going for him, too.

What’s your fave moment you and Brian have shared together from the past year so far? Or your fave moment as a family?

EH: Saturday and Sunday mornings are magical. We bring Charlie into our bed, have a cup of coffee, and just roll around, wrestle, play, cuddle, and often I wonder if I could ever be happier. I know that parenting is stressful, but it also relieves a lot of stress, because I’ve stopped caring about a lot of stupid stuff that I used to care about. All that matters is the health of Brian and Charlie. It’s just a big priority blanket, and those moments cuddling in bed together are so beautiful that I just want to stop time and never move forward.

How do you blend your personal decor style at home with your husband’s? How have you compromised at home?

EH: Um, let’s face it, I pretty much am in charge of our style/decor in the house. Whenever Brian responds strongly to something (love or hate), then I absolutely keep it or chuck it. But otherwise, he knows that it’s my job and obsession, and he trusts me. He also has really good taste and there are times when he is right and I’m wrong. But of course, there are times when I’ve compromised for him and regretted it.

How do you typically entertain? How are you planning on celebrating the holidays?

EH: We have a lot of BBQs. Because I have the blog, I have excuses to have more elaborate parties with DIYs and fancy food/drinks, but if I didn’t have a reason to go all out, I would probably just have BBQs or takeout.

Now that we have a kid, we’re probably going to decorate the heck out of our house for the holidays. Charlie probably won’t remember. but I want him to have a strong feeling around the holidays and again because of the blog, I’ll be throwing a big party and taking 1 million photos and probably a video. I’m VERY excited. I just bought 70 percent of our decorations (I was afraid my favorite things would sell out), so we are pretty much set to start planning the scheme. I’m thinking blush, gold, copper and pine green. Glammy and sparkly, with a heavy dose of whimsy. It’s on.

Do you and Brian plan date nights? How do you both like to spend your time together?

EH: We need to be better. We probably get dinner a few times a month, and then we hang out with friends at least twice a week. We grab happy hour probably once a week with Charlie, but we need to do more one-on-one nighttime dates. We had a big “extreme marriage makeover” three years ago when we were in a rut, and we took turns planning dates that included doing something that we’ve never done before. It was awesome and totally revitalized our marriage. Things feel really good right now, but I’m SURE we could use more date time. For our anniversary, we left Charlie with his parents and stayed in a luxury hotel downtown, and it was sooooo nice, special and romantic. It was a good reminder to do that as often as possible.

What’s your favorite thing about one another? What do each of you do that drives the other nuts?

EH: Brian says his favorite thing about me is my positive attitude and ambition. And he says the biggest thing that drives him nuts is my addiction to my phone and laptop. I apparently can’t hear anything he is saying if I’m online, and that must be terribly annoying. We’ve enacted no-tech-in-front-of-Charlie rule. Not because we think it’s that bad for him, but because he can see how much we value it and he wants it really really bad, and then throws a temper tantrum when we won’t let him bang on the keys or put my new precious iPhone 6 in his mouth.

My favorite thing about Brian is how kind and patient he is to Charlie and me. He’s just really really nice to both of us and generally so open with his feelings that you really feel like he loves you, which makes me feel really safe. I guess what drives me nuts is that he doesn’t fully realize his potential and he sells himself short. It’s so frustrating to watch, and I just want to be in charge of his life and take over, but I can’t obviously.

How do you make each other happy?

EH: He makes me happy in many ways, but right now by being so involved in Charlie’s life. He’s the one that schedules the doctors’ appointments, orders more diapers, etc., and it just really decreases my stress and makes me feel so relieved. Also, he brings me cold glasses of water whenever I want, which is a lot, and I really appreciate it. I think I make him happy by making sure he has enough friend time, alone time and creative time. I think I provide and insist on him feeling like he has freedom — career-wise and socially. Also, I let him watch whatever he wants, generally because I have specifically bad taste in movies, so he wins practically every time. Forcing him to watch The Notebook again isn’t fun for either of us, but man, I could use a break from comic book movies.